Later In the Evening, As You Lie Awake in Bed ...

"Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul"

~Plato

   When the very air you breathe, the very sunlight you live by, and everything you touch, see, smell, taste, or hear is tainted, and pain seems to be coming at you from all directions, it is impossible not to fall under the assault. The weight of sadness is great, and the shaking thunder of fear is paralyzing. It is not unnatural to despair, or to become buried in your own troubles. Often when we are in such a state, it is as if a thousand troubling thoughts are clattering around in our heads, keeping us awake with the din. 

   But there is a magic which can combat this army of woes, and defend your mind by occupying it as soldiers occupy a castle. Music is a powerful force, and an entity all its own. It is an energy that exerts itself through thought and sounds, and awakens the soul with its sorcery. Powerful, beautiful music that the mind and soul are attracted to has the ability to flood the mind,and wash out the infection of sadness, anxiety, anger,and ignorance. 

   I often rely on this effect just to survive. Sometimes my only escape from spiraling stress and darkness is to forcefully blast the thoughts from my skull with metal. Or, to call out from the shadows a lost incarnation of myself, if only for a while, to look over the mountain of troubles and see what I have left behind me, and what might lie ahead. I am afraid of what would happen if I didn't have music to listen to.

   It may be hard for people to understand, or to believe, but because of a disease that has evolved in my mind through my growing up, I am almost entirely unable to handle stress, or to properly process grief, or recover from other emotional injuries. I have been accused of being immature for this, or weak, but honestly it is most of the time not within my power to deal with my life. My life is so full of disappointment - I have never gotten anything I wanted [that was actually important]. I feel that I have failed at every aspect of being a person, and that I am predestined not to fit in on this planet. I'm not being self-indulgent or exaggerating - that's what Major Depressive Disorders feel like. If you have been depressed you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't felt this way, pray that you never do.

   But we have a drug that treats the symptoms, without side effects, even if it can't cure the disease. Music makes it easier to cope. It is an avenue through which we can flee our pain for a while. And that is invaluable when nothing else works. If you're hurting, or if you're burned out, or if you genuinely wish to die of natural causes in your sleep tonight, you may find it helpful to flush out your skull with a river of Metallica, as I have been doing all day.