Philios? Eros? Anguish!

"Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do" ~ Unknown 

    Love has become a common topic in this journal, but this evening I feel that I must discuss it once more, because I find myself again unable to think of anything else. I believe that we are sometimes caught in the most unfortunate of positions, caught between the love of friendship, and the love of ... love, and uncertain of which side of the line we fall on.

    We as human beings are naturally ignorant of the cosmic truth of things emotional, and sadly are doomed to wander in the fog below, trying to make sense of it all. We see only what is in front of us, and when the haze of circumstance clouds our view, it may lead us down a dangerous path. We may find ourselves thinking about a friend in more-than-friends terms. We will almost definitely desire what we cannot have. We may know that our life is not at all 'together', and that we are in no position to initiate a relationship, but ache to proceed anyway because the draw of attraction is stronger than our own sensibility.

    The heart wants what it wants. Even if we know it's not a good idea. And we cannot change what the heart wants. We cannot reason with it. We cannot tell it, "It could never work. She is there and I am here. I am a wreck and she has enough to think about." The heart will not hear, "I have nothing to offer her," or "I'm too much of a mess." Our inability to reason with our hearts is the great weakness of mankind. Our hearts lead us to dive headlong into almost certain failure because it refuses to rationalize.

   And when time, cruel time is a factor, the odds of hurting ourselves are dramatically increased. When we will only have a brief time with the object of our confusion before we are separated by circumstance, our prospects are dim indeed. The heart will start what it can't finish. And perhaps a connection will be made. Perhaps. Maybe there will be a day of closeness, a "conversation of a lifetime" a la Spanglish (incredible movie by the way), maybe even a fling, and that's where it will end. Wishful thinking on the heart's part, but a dangerous train of thought for us.

   There are questions - so many questions. If anything, we may only have a fling - is it worth it? What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if I alienate my friend? Such difficulty. What can we poor confused people do? I think we can only try to seek happiness, and come what may, we will at least grow.